


can i be your memory?

by wrapmeupinplastic



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pynch Week 2019, pynch prompt week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-07 13:00:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20817686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wrapmeupinplastic/pseuds/wrapmeupinplastic
Summary: Gansey was being nostalgic and Daisy was being encouraging; now Ronan is despondent  and Adam is going to try his best.





	can i be your memory?

**Author's Note:**

> This isn’t the first fic I’ve written just the first to be posted. I’ve rewritten and edited this too many times, which is why it’s late for pynch week day six (Better late than never though). I eventually gave up on editing and hit post.   
The only warning I can offer is that this features Ronan with a TBI.

“I asked you to stop bringing up old shit!” Ronan says through gritted teeth. His tension directed entirely at Gansey who is attempting to reminisce because Daisy loves this side of Uncle Gansey, wanting more and more stories of Dad and Daddy before Daisy. Two years ago Ronan enjoyed these moments too, feigning a begrudging attitude but smiling warmly at the sound of their daughter’s laughter.

“Ronan we’re just—“ Gansey starts, and is immediately cut off by snarled curse. Gansey, poor Gansey, is now being a Gansey and trying to mediate, attempting to stifle the inevitable; but Ronan is different now and his charm doesn’t work anymore.

Huffing out a sigh, Ronan tears himself up from the couch and storms off.

Gansey’s eyes, heavy with an apology, follow Ronan out of the sitting room. Daisy looks up at Adam with wide eyes, they all startle when the screen door is banged loudly against the side of the house then back into its frame.

“Is Daddy mad at me?” She asks, her wide green eyes glossy with impending tears. 

“Daddy is not mad at you” Adam says, kneeling down to her. 

“I’m not in trouble?” She asks, Adam tucks stray tendrils of hair behind her ears and cradles her face to look up at him. 

“Noodle, you’re not in trouble,” he tells her.

“But Daddy—“

“Is tired and upset, and neither of those things are your fault” Adam explains, “I promise” pressing a kiss to her forehead, “can you?” this is directed at Gansey 

“Sure” he replies, “we’ll be fine here”

Adam kisses the top of his little girls head for reassurance before pushing up from the floor to find his other half.

“Hey Adam” Gansey says, Adam hums in response and pauses. Anxiety weighing heavy in the room. Gansey thinks he’s taken it too far and Adam is unsure what state Ronan will be in once he finds him. Daisy is coloring now, neither of them are sure if she feels the fog surrounding them.

“I’m sorry” is all he says, and Adam shakes his head. It’s not his fault.

———

Ronan hadn’t gone far, he’s on their porch leaning heavy on his hands as they grip the thick wooden railing. His entire body is tense and coiled, he’s breathing deeply with his head hung low. The sun is dipping below the tree line, throwing an orange tint over everything.

“Ronan, can we talk about this?” Adam asks, as he guides the screen door closed.

“Parrish I said—“

“Lynch” Adam interrupts, “Daisy asked if you were mad at her, so we’re talking about this. You can’t explode like that, you know you can’t” Adam approached him, “especially not in front of Daisy. We’ve discussed this. All of the techniques you learned, that we’ve practiced — I know this is difficult —“

“I didn’t yell!” Ronan snaps, his voice wet.

Adam stays calm, snapping and yelling only makes it worse. Worse is not good for Ronan. The calmer Adam is, the easier it is to talk him through the issue.

“No, you didn’t, but your actions were enough” Adam responds. 

Ronan sighs and closes his eyes “I know. Fuck. I’ll talk to her, she shouldn’t have had to see that. You’re right. I know you’re right. Fuck!” He continues to grip the railing.

Adam stands beside him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. “And I’m sorry we didn’t stop when you first asked” he tells him, “I know bringing up memories is sensitive for you, and I—”

“Why do you do it?” Ronan begs. He throws his attention toward Adam, his eyes are open now, full of tears and hurt, “and when I ask you to stop, you don’t listen. No one fucking listens! Not you! Not Gansey! None of you!” Ronan slams the sides of both fists down onto the railing. 

“You know what, you’re absolutely right. I’m sorry, it’s wrong that we don’t pay attention to your wishes” Adam says, “I realize that this isn’t easy for you, and it’s not easy for us. We enjoy talking about those moments, Daisy enjoys learning about us. She’s fascinated by the stories. You can’t ask us to never talk about the past, but we should listen when you’ve had enough”

“Adam” Ronan croaks out, he sounds defeated, “I don’t—“ he sighs deeply, a tremor resonates through his body. “I don’t remember Daisy losing her first tooth” he says it so quietly Adam almost doesn’t catch it. He stretches an arm across Ronan’s shoulders, pulling him in “I can remember my father’s heart attack, but I can’t remember my daughter’s excitement the first time she got to leave something for the tooth fairy” his breath hitched.

Adam’s heart aches for Ronan’s frustration, his memory loss is only one of many battles they were trying to fight. Ronan’s memories from before the accident were patchy, a long hallway of doors where some were open, some were closed. There was no telling if they would stay open or stay closed. Will he wake up one day and it would simply be a long hallway of locked doors?

Reaching his other arm across Ronan’s chest, Adam put his head down on his shoulder and holds him.

“I’m so sorry” Adam whispers. Tears drip from Ronan’s chin onto Adam’s forearm. Ronan sucks in a ragged breath. He holds him this way until Ronan turns slightly into his embrace and lays his wet cheek against Adam’s dry one. Then Ronan holds onto him tightly, like he’s trying to keep his head above water.

“I fucking hate it” he says in a small voice. Adam cups one hand to the back of his skull pulling him closer. Ronan had let his hair grow out, he didn’t want the scars on his scalp to scare Daisy. Adam dug his fingers between the soft curls, pressing Ronan’s tear soaked face into his neck. “I hate it so much, so fucking much. Damn it” the last words a soft whisper.

Adam swallows the sob and takes a shaky breath. He needs to keep it together because Ronan was the one needing comfort. He can not fall apart on him right now. He is his rock, his constant “Lynch, we’ll just have to make new memories, new and even better memories”

Ronan sniffles then lets out a cruel, wet laugh “For me to forget them? Great!”

“We make double the memories than” Adam suggests, pulling back to take Ronan’s face between his hands. His heart creeping up into his throat at Ronan’s sad blue eyes and wet cheeks. “Ronan, we have decades of memories to make and enjoy. We came so close to—“ Adam’s voice catches and he refuses to finish that statement, he takes a deep breath.

Ronan grips his ribs as Adam blinks away tears. “We’re a team, you and I. I will do what you need me to do if you’ll meet me halfway. Okay? So we are going to make a shit ton of new memories, Lynch. Eventually, maybe, I can remind you of what you’ve lost and you’ll be okay with that”

They stand there, forehead to forehead, wrapped together. Ronan’s eyes closed, and Adam watching, listening to him breathe through his frustration. Calculated breaths, the emotional pain slipping away from his features.

An accident turned their world over 18 months back, they were wading through the fallout now. Adam Parrish had stood strong and unwavering after the phone call, during and after the agonizing wait on CAT scans and MRI results, and the blood transfusions, the coma, consoling a heartbroken 7 year old, rehabbing, doctor appointments. All of it.

Ronan’s recovery wasn’t an easy one. The behavioral changes weren’t drastic but Ronan was altered and that couldn’t be denied. The over stimulation and fatigue were the easier aspects to grow accustomed to, however they sometimes came with their own unpredictable responses. Many therapy sessions had taught them the signs of impending explosions and how to prevent them from affecting him, and how to best handle them when they did affect him. The memory loss was a huge trigger for Ronan now. The reminders of the things he can’t remember. Moments of his life possibly gone forever. It hurt him deeply.

So here Adam remains, standing strong and unwavering while Ronan grounds himself through another bout of sadness and frustration at the hand he’s been dealt. He’s come such a long way, with further to go. They weren’t out of the woods.

“Can I tell you about the time Daisy lost her first tooth?” Adam asks. Ronan’s brilliant blue eyes open, he’s calm now. He’s come out of the tunnel.

“Please” He replies.

“We were coming back from the movies” Adam began, “you had promised her her own popcorn. You bought her the small instead of the kids size — which is twice the amount of the kids by the way! — and Daisy ate all of it!”

A grin spills across Ronan’s face, his signature shark-like grin. He quickly makes the most innocent face he can manage and Adam grins back at him.

“Yes, you did, you asshole. Anyway, we’re halfway home and Daisy starts to freak out in the back seat” Adam stops and laughs, “you almost drove off the road turning back to see what happened” Ronan looks appalled here because he would never! Adam rolls his eyes in response.

Adam continues “She wails ‘my tooth is gone, it’s gone!’ You told her to calm down, I told her to give it to me until we got home. We were not grasping the severity of the situation at all and it made her more upset. She starts crying hysterically, she was completely inconsolable”

The space between Ronan’s eyebrows is lined, his mouth a stern frown. To ease his concern Adam tracks his hands through his soft curly hair.

“After several failed attempts to understand what she meant, we figured out that she didn’t know when she lost it” Adam sighs, “you look over at me, I’m pretty sure we had the same thought in that moment -oh! shit!-“ Adam laughs a little, Ronan’s eyes pop wide “you told her ‘Noodle, I think you might have swallowed it with the popcorn’ she shrieks like a banshee ‘The tooth fairy will never visit me now! I’m never eating popcorn again!’ and on and on.” Ronan nuzzles Adam‘s cheek with his.

“So there we were; you biting back a laugh, me trying to figure out some tooth fairy damage control, Daisy crying and putting a lifelong curse on all popcorn everywhere” Ronan smiles brilliantly “I finally pulled some tooth fairy mythology out of my ass, I told her an alarm goes off whenever a kid loses a tooth and they will still bring her a gift. You, the asshole that you are, added ‘even though you ate it’ which went over like the Hindenburg” Adam lets out a sigh “But you know our Noodle. She felt terrible, it was her contribution to the tooth fairy and she ate it!” 

“I helped her make an apology card” Ronan adds, and he was proud of himself. It was Adam’s turn to go wide-eyed. 

“You remember?” Adam asks, tears lining up for descent.

“I fucking remember” he answers with a grin, “she still won't eat popcorn”

Adam tightly hugs Ronan, burying his face in the crook of his neck.

“I remember” he breathes into Adam’s hair, squeezing him around his rib cage. “We had taken her to see Moana, for the third fucking time”

Adam nods furiously against Ronan’s shoulder, smiling so big it hurt “You sang that crab song for weeks”

“Shiny” Ronan corrects.

“Don’t!” warns Adam, but he could feel Ronan’s devilish grin pressed to his ear.

**Author's Note:**

> I took this moment directly from my own life, I just changed the names and altered a few details to fit the characters.


End file.
